Are you really happy?

THINK

I always had this idea in my head that I was going to be some feminist, working mom, Sheryl Sandberg type, and I always assumed that having children meant this dream was never going to come true.

What made me think that I couldn’t have both? 

It definitely wasn’t my mother. Miss working girl, dressed to the nine in ray bans and big shoulder pads with a stellar perm that could knock your socks off. Raising two kids on her own.

Could it have been society? The blazing pink barbie that glimmered ever-so subtly in the Christmas tree lights. The catholic preschool that didn’t accept me because I wasn’t able to name the tool the teacher held in her hand was called a ‘hammer.’ I’m sorry my parents don’t fit to your concept of norm. 

Or is it in fact, that children actually do make you feel gushy inside? And too tired to even grasp a simple concept such as dialling a telephone number?

In a way I already am that person, maybe a more modest version, but that is me. And on top of it all, I have been able to do both. The career and the kid. The only problem is that I’m not happy anymore. 

I look at my son in the face and realise that this is it. All of the other bull shit, is quite literally bull shit. 

Do I really enjoy my life? Am I really happy every  single day?

OFFICE2

Meetings, presentations, screens, we might as well call ourselves robots. The deepest conversation I have is about a t-shirt,

“Hi, how was you weekend?”

“Good, how was yours?” 

“Love your t-shirt!”

That is the extent to which we share ourselves at work.

Why do I surround myself with people who I have no feelings towards, and likewise people who have no feelings towards me. If we saw each other on a train, we would ignore one another. What kind of soul am I building for myself? 

What happened to the heart in my life? The days where I would jump in the rain puddles and laugh, a deep laugh that you feel in your belly. The days where I would sled down the mountains with my brother, roll around in the mud, kick the sand and pick up my bunny named ‘Peaches’ and kiss her floppy ears with all of my might.

I look at my son and I see all of the things he is going to do, and it makes me sad to think that one day he may have to sit in an office and wish for something better. Something more fulfilling, something that really lifts him and opens his eyes and inspires him to do amazing things. 

Have I chosen the wrong path or am I caught in a blurry haze of wishing I could stay at home with my son? I’ve always felt this way, but my son has drawn this out of me more than I could have imagined. 

Do we all get a chance to do a job that inspires us or has society created a system where only the lucky few get to really live the dream every single day?

My goal in life should not be a Mercedes Benz, or a big fancy house, or even a hot shit career. The goal should be happiness, and that is it.

It’s like reading a really good book, you have this feeling inside that makes you want to jump up and down and squeeze the person next to you. It makes you feel real.

Wherever I may be, I’m going to start living my life by prioritising happiness.
 
Happy
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37 thoughts on “Are you really happy?

  1. Be happy! Be healthy! I left my old corporate job after mat leave and promised myself I would never be unhappy again. I work part time(21 hours) two days a week, its hard but I can be me two days a week and mummy the other two days. And I’m a lot happier and a better mama as a result. Much love! #StayClassyMama

  2. I’m so not happy with a lot of things in life at the moment. It’s hard when the type of society we live in pressures us to have it all and want it all. I feel like we’re supposed to want to work and have kids and own the house, drive the car, the body, the holidays and in all honesty trying to do it makes you miserable when these things are not important to you in the first place. God forbid we want something as simple as happiness or freedom. You can do it. #StayClassyMama x

  3. This genuinely brought a tear to my eye… Recently I’ve been looking at the kids and wondering “Are you going to feel this shit one day?”
    And that’s it isn’t it?! We never ever want our children to feel like this, and yet we waste so much of our own time and energy worrying about things that I the grand scheme of life just aren’t important; career, money, material things, what everyone else thinks… We want our kids to spend their lives doing what makes them truly happy, and it’s about time we all did that too. #StayClassyMama

  4. I spent well over 10 years sitting behind a desk in an office getting more and more miserable with every passing year. Then I had Peachy. I wasn’t ready to go back to work and I didn’t have anyone to care for Peachy. When I asked for an 6 month extension on my leave, my employer said no so I left. Best decision I ever made. I realize not everyone has that option but there are ways out. There are other ways to make money. Sometimes it means working two jobs for a while. It means sleepless nights and working for free to get ahead. But the passion will give you the energy to go on and the love will sustain you. #StayClassyMama

  5. I am a firm believer in this, I think it’s the only thing worthwhile (and far harder than you think). You may find being at home makes you wish for a career, you may find a career that helps others rather than makes money (those jobs are often under paid but are the important work in the world) is what you are after. I have a friend who says he’s ‘just a nurse’ and I correct him every time. It’s important work – it’s just our current society has it’s values screwed up. #Stayclassymama

  6. I totally get where you’re coming from here. Over the years, at various points, I have questioned my happiness. It seems to go in phases. I think that the times when you question it, are the times for change. Life needs to change every now and again. Change is always positive, where it is needed. Follow your gut. Alison x #StayClassyMama

  7. I’m pretty much in exactly the same place right now – going to work every day and pretending that it’s my choice because I’m an empowered working mother, blah blah, blah – but actually I feel kind of dead inside. I still want to work – at least part time – but it’s quite clear to me that something needs to change, because I’m not happy going into the office and staring at a screen for 8 hours a day. I’m not sure what needs to shift, but I’m working on figuring it out. #stayclassymama

  8. I love this. For such a long time I was utterly miserable, stuck in a marriage that I knew wasn’t healthy, grieving for the child I had lost, and the children I would never have, and I felt as though life was just passing me by. It as only when I chose happiness that good things came my way, and now, at the grand old age of 37 I feel genuinely happy at long last! #stayclassymama

  9. Really great post. I sometime feel I’ve lost my way a little from my life goals. They now seem to revolve around buying a house, having a nice holiday, getting a new card etc. Maybe I need to re-think if those things would actually make me happy!? #stayclassymama

  10. #stayclassymama – the linkup hashtag is such a good motto for level 5 days hun! You’re doing a super super thing, you’re bringing up your child showing him that life is about love, family, working hard, having dreams and chasing those dreams. I don’t think it matters if we reach the end of every rainbow but teaching our kids to have them is priceless. Work sucks most of the time, thats reality, but you’re showing your son how to get up, not give up and to strive for happiness – #stayclassymama!

  11. All too often I get lost in the rat race of life. I think the most important thing is that we always reel ourselves back in and have faith our children will do better. That’s what the cycle of life is all about, right?

    PS….I like your t-shirt. 😉
    #stayclassymama and happy!

  12. Great post. I often times wonder about happiness. Is this really all there is to life? I am 37 years old now and honestly don’t know what I have been doing my whole life. Happiness is key.
    #stayclassymama

  13. COMPLETELY agree. It doesn’t make sense to me anymore, I don’t know if it was my son or if all of a sudden something just clicked but it doesn’t feel right. I’m glad to know somebody else feels this way : ). Thanks for reading and commenting!

  14. You’re right, those jobs are actually MORE important than the corporate jobs. I am definitely leaning more towards work that helps people in some way or another. : ) Thanks for commenting!

  15. Aw this is such a lovely comment, you’re so right though, the passion gives you so much energy (hence why I am on my blog at 8:30pm on a Friday night after a very long day at work! WHAT!). Thanks for commenting : ).

  16. LOVE it, completely agree. You get me! I don’t want them to feel like a robot one day, it is time I set an example : ). Thanks for your lovely comment!

  17. YES! We are bombarded with these images of “success” but what the fuck is success if you’re not happy? : ) Thanks for commenting!

  18. That is the kind of option I’ve been thinking about! How is it going? Do you have the same job as before or did you apply to something that was specifically part time? Thanks for commenting!

  19. Happiness truly is key. We so often hear how we don’t get these times back with our kids who are growing soooo fast! So long as you have happiness you have won! Empower yourself and your family! X

  20. Sounds like a plan. Sometimes you’ve just got to go with your gut and follow your heart even if wasn’t what you originally planned.
    #stayclassymama

  21. I love this post! I struggle everyday with what makes me happy and if I’m getting the balance right. Work has become just that ‘work’ it purely is a means of paying for all the fun things me and the boys get up too. Work used to be my happy place for a long time now my boys are my happy place and they are what brings out my inner puddle jumping, bunny hugging self. Good luck with your pursuit of happiness. #stayclassymama

  22. This is great, I could have written the same words, I wish I had. When growing up there was so much focus on doing ‘this’ and ‘this’ so you can get a good job. Yes we need to earn money, well there has to be a least one provider in the family but why is a ‘good job’ always the driving focus. I too am stuck in a unfulfilling job but have to stay at the moment because of my flexible working pattern that fits my family life. But some days it’s sole destroying.
    I am focusing my life (and blog) this year on doing things that matter, creating moments, helping others, encouraging human kindness and teaching my children the things that really matter in life.
    Until now I’ve not really thought about the end goal of that, well I guess it’s happiness isn’t it! 🙂
    #stayclassymama

  23. I think similar thoughts every day when I’m sat at work. Why do I spend more time with colleagues I don’t really like rather than with my family? I don’t want to be at work every day, but I’m not sure what the easy way out is! I guess it’s making every moment outside of work count! #stayclassymama

  24. I think so many people feel what you feel. I have always felt that happiness is the goal, I wasn’t ever very career driven. I definitely think although it’s lovely to think everyone can follow their dreams and have their perfect job, in reality that is so unlikely to happen – unless multiple people have the dream to be a caretaker or waiter or traffic warden and all the other jobs that need doing for society to function as it does. I do think it’s more the lucky few who find that dream career. It must be really hard going to work and feeling like that. I hope you can find some way of making yourself happier and enjoying it a bit more. #bigpinklink

  25. What a wonderful post… I get it-I have felt so much of this. I’ve also wondered if my children will be trudging off to work every Monday morning, brushing off Sunday evening dread, embracing Monday blues, and bracing themselves for another week of shit. That’s why I try and make as many days as I can, super fun for them. My mum calls it spoiling them, but one day, things may well be crap, and I want them to have great memories of a fab childhood. But, my own happiness has slipped dramatically, and I feel like I don’t know what to do to make it better. I think I need to go back to work, but I’m not sure what I’d do (I don’t want to be a nurse anymore.) and I feel like I spend so much time pondering it, but not enough actually doing something about it!! It’s something I definitely need to get on top of though xx
    #bigpinklink

  26. It’s funny how your idea of what matters and will make you happy can shift so much. When I was younger, I thought I would want to be very career focused and ambitious, and would either not have kids, or not be the main carer for them. But, now that I do have kids, I couldn’t imagine thinking a career was that important. I do want to return to one, and I want to enjoy it and be reasonably successful, but I no longer believe that real happiness would be in that for me – I would rather be less career successful and have more time with my kids than the other way round. Not that I think there is anything wrong with whichever method makes people happy – that’s just what works for me – but it’s just funny how it can turn out that what you want and what makes you feel successful might be the opposite to what you once believed. #StayClassyMama

  27. I completely agree! I still want to be successful in my career, but success looks different to me. It’s more about having work that fits around my life schedule : ) if you get my drift. I like working and being my own person, but I want to do it on my own time, and I want something that allows me to be creative. I can’t stand how soulless the corporate world is sometimes. Thank you for commenting!

  28. Oh man I ponder so many things, it almost drives me crazy. I think you’re right, if you really wanted to do it you would make a move to do it already! If you’re heart isn’t in it then you can’t force your mind to be. I think having something that you love doing that fits around your life schedule would be the perfect job, but trying to find this is a bit difficult! Having time for yourself to be yourself is important. What other careers are there related to nursing? OH this is a random thought but you could be a hypnobirthing coach! I swear they make loads of money and only do it twice a week! : )

  29. Thanks for commenting! You’re right, this is why there is something fundamentally wrong with our system, people are born and only the lucky few get to do what they want to do. I guess there are ways around this, but in reality the whole system would have to change! A big ask haha. I have found more happiness recently but it’s a little secret at the moment ; )!

  30. Such an honest piece and I’m sure we’ve all felt this at some point. I have a post onyour blog about post-it notes (random, I know!) which talks about when I felt like this, I’m not going to patronise and say you should do what I did, but it might help x #coolmumclub

  31. YAASSSS!!!! this is an amazing post… writing is where your hear is… you open it so flawlessly to share with the world and that takes an awful lot of courage! Definitely follow your passions and strive to be happy in all that you do! I just cut down my hours at work as me and my partner felt I would be happier if I was at home more blogging and spending time with my son <3 #coolmumclub

  32. This is a really lovely post Megan – I’ve been thinking about what my driver is lately and what I really want to do, and returning to a corporate world just does nothing for me right now. I hear you.
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub and goodluck with finding your new happy place. x

  33. It’s all too easy to get caught up in life and get carried away with materialistic, unimportant things. We do need to stop and start living for happiness. Lovely post x
    #CoolMumClub

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