10 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

The 10 things that people said to me during pregnancy and what I would want to say back.  

1. So what do you miss the most now that your pregnant?

Well, that gin and tonic you have in your hand right there Graham….I miss that. I love not being able to drink at the current social event we are attending. And that coffee you have every morning smells delicious, keep wavering it in front of me while you ramble on about reporting, Graham.

2. Enjoy your last few months of freedom!

Why? Am I being put away for beating you to death with a 500 page baby book? 

3. ‘…….well, you’re not going to be able to go out for the next 18 years anyway, might as well get used to it! hahah’

You. Are. Hilarious. 
Seriously? What day in age have I travelled back into? When did everyone start thinking that having a child meant giving up all social activities. I understand I won’t be raging at Warehouse parties anymore, but I can still go to a BBQ or work party here and there. What a load of BS. 

4. You really shouldn’t…….stand up… eat that blue cheese… exercise…..pick up that box….

OH MAH GAH, stop treating me like a Grandmother.
I get it. You’re trying to be helpful. But I am still a fully functioning human being! Look….I am standing up! Look…..I am pouring tea for the table! Look……I am having sex in reverse cowgirl position with my boyfriend!

5. It kind of grosses me out that there is a baby inside of you. 

It kind of grosses me out that you lick your lips every time you drink your water and then accidentally spit on my face when you say, ‘Please,’ or ‘Pollution’ or ‘Piracy.’ I also assume you envisage birth like something from the Alien Movie.. you knobhead. 

6. I feel more pregnant than you!

Totes. I’m sure that large hamburger you just ate is also giving you raging hormones, an aching back, sore boobs, a dull headache that can strike at any moment, and a constant need to go to the toilet.

7. You’re eating for two now! 

Thanks. You look like a horse too!

8. You’re glowing. : )

Shut up. I know I’m sweating profusely from walking up those five stairs. I can see the lies all over your non-sweaty face. 

9. Really? I like the name Harrison. 

Why did you ask me what I am naming my child and then give your opinion on something ‘better’? Would I ask you where you are going on holiday and say, ‘Rome, really? I like Madrid, much more beautiful.’ 

Keep your own opinions for your own uterus.

10. You should have a C-section.

Hmm I didn’t realise that was something I could choose as an option? I’ll be sure to mention it to my doctor. Having my stomach cut open and operated on sounds much better than birthing the natural way that woman have been doing for centuries. 

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24 thoughts on “10 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

  1. As a non-mother I was interested to see how many of these I had said! Some of them are down right offensive, and I’m pleased to report I’ve only said one (which I still stand by) which is I would have a caesarean. I realise it’s not for everyone, and I’ve only said this if I was asked my opinion, I’m not going to lie. It is something you can choose as an option if you are willing to pay for it. #bestandworst
    Debbie

    1. To be honest, prior to being pregnant I said that a C section seems like an easy option ha ha. But I now realise, from what I’ve read and heard from Mum friends, it’s a major surgery and the road to recovery is long and hard (more so than a natural birth). Woops!

  2. Love this one!! These were all the things I wanted to say but smiled sweetly and moved on. Definitely agree with the social life; aslong as you have a babysitter and feel fine leaving the little tyke, go out! I did. Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

    1. Ha ha yea now that he has arrived (I wrote this post a little while ago) it’s a bit different, need to get the hang of breastfeeding and pumping first before I can have a big night out! : )

  3. I love this post! Absolutely brilliant…things I would think but stop short of saying but would love to say!!! #coolmumclub

  4. Love it! Unfortunately it was just the start, everyone then had opinions on what to do with baby, what she should be doing, how she should be sleeping etc etc …
    Thanks for sharing on #TheBabyFormula

  5. So true. Everyone was so full of advice and helpful comments and then they’d pat your tummy … The advice and helpful comments I could smile my way though, but the patting I hated!

  6. Haha, people do ask the most frustrating questions when you’re pregnant. I may have to steal some of your come backs for when people inevitably starting asking me these questions again in next few months. I love “keep your opinions for tour own uterus” haha xx #mg

    1. Ah congrats!! I have to admit I only said a few of them out loud, most were in my head. But next time around (if there is one, can’t really imagine that right now haha) I think I’ll be more bold. Since little one has arrived my dignity has been shattered however this means I can say whatever the eff I want!! Lol

  7. All of these things!! This is why with baby number five we didn’t tell anyone (I don’t get a bump, weird but true!), we just told them when he was born! Kind of funny but backfired a little as everyone was slightly annoyed at us for it! Oops! #mg

      1. We told our parents, we aren’t that bad, but it was far easier not to bother, there’s only 12 months between my fourth and fifth so we knew people would be judgemental and I wasn’t willing to listen to all of these things ^^^ for 9 months on top!! Xx

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