Since the baby has arrived, my partner and I can’t keep our hands off each other! He just gives me ‘the look,’ and I’m like, “OH MY GOD. I need you right now on the kitchen table!” Honestly, what was everyone complaining about? My extra fat is HOT. I don’t shower for days and he still wants to jump my bone!
HA! I hope you all know by now that this is so NOT true. Sex has not been turning up at my door. It’s like the mail man that rings the door bell, decides nobody is home after 2 seconds and runs away. “Sex” is there, for a few seconds, but not long enough to actually want to do it. This is almost month 3 post-baby, although there have been a few occasions that were nice (I promise I won’t go into any detail haha!), it is still rare.
So, WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING? Other than having sex, you know, because that’s all we did before the baby. I’ve found other ways to full-‘fill’ me in the same way…..so until the mojo is back, here are my suggestions…
1. Pinterest-ing the shit out of your wall.
2. Deep-throating a Snickers bar.
3. Getting wet with a jog.
4. Having a romantic night in with a glass of red.
5. Dirty dancing…on your own whilst nobody’s watching.
6. A niiice cup of coffee, waking up to something stiff, black and strong.
7. A sexy encounter with your favourite department store.
8. Turn on some sweet tunes and find your happy place.
9. Pillow talk with the salesman who is ordering your new sofa.
10. Zzzzzzzz-rated dreams.
Okay, last one, …. give your hubby/wifey a kiss? Just a little one ; )
…oh and watch the movie “Up” because it’s so goddamn cute!
On a serious note, sex is really important to a relationship and there are other ways to be intimate with your partner that don’t involve the actual bump-and-grind….. kissing, cuddling and, yep I’ll say it, oral sex will do just fine for now. ; )