Since the baby has arrived, my partner and I can’t keep our hands off each other! He just gives me ‘the look,’ and I’m like, “OH MY GOD. I need you right now on the kitchen table!” Honestly, what was everyone complaining about? My extra fat is HOT. I don’t shower for days and he still wants to jump my bone!

HA! I hope you all know by now that this is so NOT true. Sex has not been turning up at my door. It’s like the mail man that rings the door bell, decides nobody is home after 2 seconds and runs away. “Sex” is there, for a few seconds, but not long enough to actually want to do it. This is almost month 3 post-baby, although there have been a few occasions that were nice (I promise I won’t go into any detail haha!), it is still rare.

So, WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING? Other than having sex, you know, because that’s all we did before the baby. I’ve found other ways to full-‘fill’ me in the same way… until the mojo is back, here are my suggestions…

1. Pinterest-ing the shit out of your wall.

sex pinterest

2. Deep-throating a Snickers bar.

sex giph1

3. Getting wet with a jog.

sex giph2

4. Having a romantic night in with a glass of red.

sex giph 4 drinking

5. Dirty dancing…on your own whilst nobody’s watching.

sex giph dance

6. A niiice cup of coffee, waking up to something stiff, black and strong.

sex giph coffee

7. A sexy encounter with your favourite department store.

sex giph shopping

8. Turn on some sweet tunes and find your happy place.

sexy dance

9. Pillow talk with the salesman who is ordering your new sofa.

sex giph phone

10. Zzzzzzzz-rated dreams.

sex nap

Okay, last one, …. give your hubby/wifey a kiss? Just a little one ; )

sex kiss

…oh and watch the movie “Up” because it’s so goddamn cute!

On a serious note, sex is really important to a relationship and there are other ways to be intimate with your partner that don’t involve the actual bump-and-grind….. kissing, cuddling and, yep I’ll say it, oral sex will do just fine for now. ; ) 

Cuddle Fairy
Run Jump Scrap!
Facebook Comments

49 thoughts on “10 Ways to be Pleasured Post-Baby”

  1. I was a little nervous when I clicked on this link but glad I did! Good selection of gifs!

    Again, being serious post baby intimacy can be tricky for all the reasons you say. There’s a really good chapter in ‘Supersex for Life’ by Tracey Cox dealing with how to prevent parenthood derailing your sex life.


  2. Personally I think your husband is a very lucky man lol. Just 3 months PP and you’ve already done the deed a few times? 3 months PP and my hubby and I hadn’t done it all. As for oral sex, I don’t even have the energy for that and my youngest is 2! You go girl!


  3. I love the movie Up. Every time I watch it I cry at the beginning scenes and reach for the hubby!

    Ps. Did you mention a Snickers? That one. Yep I’ll be doing that one! ๐Ÿ˜€ x


  4. The whole book is good. Deals with intimacy (not just sex) and communication. Basic idea is that post baby you may not have hot sex in the way you did but you keep the embers burning by still touching, cuddling, kissing and being affectionate.

    It can be difficult when you’re all touched out after a day of being grabbed by a baby but the important thing is communicating so a rebuff of affection is not seen as absolute rejection.

  5. I agree with the above comment. 21months post baby and we’re lucky if we do it once a month. Mainly due to our lifestyles and the fact that we are ships passing in the night, oh and that I’m knackered and want my body to myself most of the time! #BloggerClubUK

  6. I LOVE this!!!!!! It’s hilarious (deep throating a snickers was a particular highlight!!) and those GIFs are genius! It is important to try and keep something of a sexual nature going on in your marriage, but I haven’t been practicing that nugget of advice at all! My husband is always tired (he’s older than me, major disadvantage I didn’t anticipate!) and through a condition I developed in pregnancy, I’ve gained a ridiculous amount of weight, and won’t even look at myself naked, let alone let my husband look at me! I’m practically a virgin again!! I will start trying to do something about it!!

  7. Brilliant post. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect with this but so glad I read it. Loved your GIF’s and I love a good GIF!!!! #stayclassy

  8. I read this last night and didn’t realise you linked!! Firstly why was I not as randy post partum?! I was like a nut during the pregnancy but after…took a little while. That’s fab for you. I think I’d like the vino (between breast feeds!) Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

  9. Hahaha. .ohh this made me laugh, love the gifs . I can’t watch Up, it makes me cry..don’t think I’ve seen past the first 10mins!xx #coolmumclub

  10. Love this! To be honest, sex was pretty much the last thing on my mind during the first few months after having a baby. Sleep was much higher on my list of priorities! #StayClassy

  11. When I saw the link name I was like o-m-g what’s this but once I started reading I was like oh okay lol! Really good post though lol! Four kids in and we are at the bottom of the sex chain. Yes sex doesn’t compare from the time before kids to after all of them. We do other things like eat chocolate late at night while Netflix and Chilling.

  12. I agree with the other moms – even after your baby is no longer a baby and becomes a toddler and you’re getting a full night sleep, intimacy is something you have to work on. It’s so hard after having the baby to enjoy sex, because you have to have confidence and it’s hard to get that back while you’re dealing with post-pregnancy body and issues. Great post. I think #6 was my favorite. #StayClassy

  13. Agreed. Nobody tells you that you have to work hard to keep a relationship going, you just think you’ll live “happily ever after”! But in the end the work is worth it!

  14. Hahaha this is brilliant – I was reading your first paragraph in total shock & awe. I’m glad you are like the rest of us lol Great suggestions & love the clips to go with them!! Thanks so much for sharing with us at #bloggerclubuk x

  15. This is amazing! I read the first part and was like wow I’m impressed, sex was the last thing I wanted for months I just wanted sleep. Glad to see I’m not alone. I loved all the clips too funny made my day, thanks for sharing! #bloggerclubuk

  16. Deep throating a snickers bar just had me snorting! I think the most pleasurable thing for me has been hearing the words ‘you go back to sleep, I’ll look after him’! Great post, love a GIF. #stayclassy

  17. Just returning from #stayclassy! I loved this so much I sent it to all my friends-even the ones who don’t have children! They need to know what to expect right??! Great post!!

  18. Seriously? Several times only 3 months after having a baby?! It took me 6 months! But now they’re 11, 9 and 6 the ‘don’t come near me I’m too knackered and my identity is that of a mother only’ days are over thank goodness and it’s business as usual ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for hosting #StayClassy and inviting me to join.

  19. Must admit you almost got me at the start – I was silently thinking ‘bullsh*t’! But also a little worried it might actually be true. Relieved when I read on! Would love to deep throat a Snickers right now but gave up chocolate for Lent. Would have been much easier to give up sex instead! #BloggerClubUK

  20. This is brilliant! Love your pinterst wall. Hang in there it does return. My girls papa and I were mates rather than lovers so I’m not gonna bore you with lack of action story there. Although we clearly got it on a few times ๐Ÿ˜‰ Can recommend getting some pics of yourself done when you are feeling fabulous. You know the raunchy kind, taken by a photographer you trust. I kept mine hidden as I was too self conscious to share them. I’m over that now and they have more than returned my investment ๐Ÿ˜‰ Oh and get saving for some Agent Provocateur attire! Unless you are loaded, I suggest saving as just seen something on their site for over ยฃ1k! But your sex life is worth it. I don’t recognise myself these days. Scare the beejesus out of the Italian Stallion I’m dating ha ha!

  21. Ha ha! Great tip, I may need to go check out this site. I did try and buy something for Valentines Day but then the baby kept us up all night and we basically just slept the whole day! How romantic right?! Lol. That’s awesome your living in Italy by the way. : )

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.