Since becoming a Mum, I am much more confident in every day life. I don’t feel the pressure of having to please everyone and I am more focused on what I need to do for my family. I have a sense of freedom even though technically I am less free, I am finally able to follow my own rules. It doesn’t matter what other people think, you just gotta do whatchu gotta do. No disrespect.
With this new found confidence I realised that actually I am a Gangster. Here are my reasons why.
Rollin’ on dubs
I am always bumpin’ down the street with my decked out buggy blasting Gin and Juice. Not only is my buggy as expensive as a car, it is a smooooooth ride.
Leave the room Noticed
Just like Dr. Dre, blowin’ sh** up and throwin’ sh** up, I leave the room noticed. My baby is blowin’ up tears and throwin’ up milk and people check me out as I stroll out of Starbucks.
Destroy the evidence
When in public, I am so fast at destroying the evidence that nobody even knew somebody got dirty. Poo disaster averted and the police walk right on by.
It’s all about the Respect
A real O.G. is respected in the community. People move out of the way and smile at me when I walk through the streets. Don’t mess with The Mum. As Snoop Dogg puts it, “Internationally known, highly respected, unseen, but well heard.”
Tell it like it is
I don’t have time to put up with people that are talkin’ shit anymore. I keep it real.
Addicted to Crack
I can’t do anything in the morning before I get my ‘crack’. Up all night working the hood, I can’t function without it.
Sippin’ 40s All Day
I drink wine all day e’rey day (..well at 8pm on the dot every night).
I am always strapped with pepper spray and a pocket knife. If somebody tries to steal my baby, my crew will be on them like flies on rice.
Rollin’ Deep with my Crew
When I enter a restaurant with my crew, the manager has to reorganise all of the furniture to make room for us. They be trippin’ if they think we’d leave our prams outside.
Every Day I’m Hustlin’
I flirt with the dude at Costa to get my crack faster. And it takes me over 20 minutes to get out of my house, I’m hustlin’ to e’reythang.
My Dance Skills are On Fleek
My only exercise is when I entertain the baby by dancing to Gangster rap. Teach me how to dougie, teach me, teach me, how to dougie.
And so it goes, another day, another diaper. AND I’M OUT.