Letter 12 – Dear Bear, Going Back to Work

June 9th, 2015
Dear Bear,
 
I didn’t realise how lucky I was to have you every day. 
 
I want to go back and do over every single day we had together, including the birth. Yes, it was painful and scary, but you were all worth it.
 
I want to appreciate every single day. I don’t want to look back on my life and feel like I didn’t appreciate these moments with my family, with my friends, doing the things I love doing. I want to appreciate everything I have. Every single moment fades and all you have left is a memory. 
 
Hudson asleep
 
Tomorrow I return to work after being on maternity leave for the past six months. Before you were born, six months seemed like such a long time but now it feels as if the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months. 
 
Don’t get me wrong, every day felt very long. Nap time was very difficult. You hate sleep. Every time I would put you down to sleep, you would cry and cry and cry. The world is just too exciting! 
 
The constant breastfeeding was not fun either. What does the cow say? You are on a more regular schedule now, it’s only every three or four hours.
 
The sleep situation could have been better. You’re still not sleeping through the night. You wake on average about two or three times a night. 
 
But hey, I’m not complaining! ; )
 
You are my one and only true love – your Dad is second. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. 
 
COD love with hudson
 
And ironically, you have just become so much more easy. It feels as if I started a new job and I finally just got into the rhythm of how it works. But now I am off to start another job again. Funny how life does that.
 
Hudson, my dear, now that you are six months your eyes have become wider. You want to touch everything. You want to understand all of the people around you. You have started swim crawling. You are so determined. You kick your arms and legs so fast and hard that you actually move yourself to where you want to go. And you roll over so much it’s getting hard to change you. You have grown two bottom teeth which explains the sleepless nights. They poke out like sharp little daggers. 
 
The best part of all is that you smile all the time. In the morning, the first thing I see is your smile. It makes me the happiest person in the world. It makes it easier to get up in the morning. You are such a happy baby and I love you so much. 
 
Dear Bear
 
I can’t wait to watch you grow. To see you crawl. To hear you babble. To hold your hand and high five you. I didn’t know it back then, but you have made my life feel full. There is nothing more I want except to be with my family. 
 
Love,
Mom
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