Awkward Places I have got my Boobs Out

Breast-pumping or hand expressing is a big part of my life now, and as many people are completely unaware of this feat, I thought I would share how awkward it is to be a breastfeeding mother.

I know, I know, I shouldn’t complain, it is a magical experience between mother and baby and I should be grateful. And I am. However, that doesn’t make up for the fact you have to get your tits out quite often. It’s not all IT’S SPRING BREAK WOOOOOOO Girls Gone Wild style anymore (those days are long gone).

breastpump spring break

It’s more like where is the deepest, darkest place in the house that I can hide to do this:

breastpumping in room

I don’t think a sea of men would be cheering me on if I went on stage with those puppies…….but maybe they should?

We should be proud of our pumping breasts! Yes, we may look like cows but we are feeding future presidents, future CEOs of Google, future astronauts for NASA, future Spring Breakers getting their tits out! We must not be ashamed of our tits. They are lovely, both on the inside and the outside.

So, to commemorate poke fun at my tits, here are my real experiences of breast-pumping over the last 4 months.

  1. In the toilet at University

    • Girl No. 1: “Oh my gah, I spent all day yesterday looking for foundation”
    • Girl No. 2:”Are you serious? That’s cray.”
    • Girl No. 1: “Yea, my colour is just so different to everyone else, the lady like couldn’t find the right one, it was ridiculous.”
    • Me: **in toilet stall, squeezing breast with hand waiting for the milk to start coming out
    • Girl No. 3: **fart, fart, tinkle, stream of pee
    • Girl No. 2: …(giggles) Anyway, I finally found this dark but soft colour and it was perfect! Thank god that assistant at Boots knew what she was talking about.”
    • Me: **still squeezing breast
    • Girl No. 1: “Ah that’s great”
    • Me: **gets frustrated hand-expressing and pulls out breast-pump
    • Girl No. 3: **pulls toilet paper down to hide the noise coming from her stall
    • Girl No. 1: “I don’t really wear foundation, it dries my skin out.”
    • Girl No. 2: “So lucky”
    • Girl No. 3: **flushes toilet and zips trousers
    • Girl No. 1: “Eh, I guess so…”
    • Me: **turn on breast-pump 
    • (complete silence)
    • Me: **errrrr…….errrr…..errrr…….errrr…….errrr
    • Girl No. 2: “What’s that noise?”
    • Me: **red-faced
    • breastpump embarrassed
  2. Unisex bathroom in a club

    • **enormous queue with only 2 bathroom stalls
    • Girl No. 1: “I have to peeeee so badly! Why are they taking so long?”
    • Me: ** squeezing breast ferociously, trying to get the milk to come out faster
    • Guy: “I think someone is taking a dump.”
    • Girl No. 1: “Oh for real? Come on WHO DOES THAT AT A CLUB!”
    • Me: **panicking, trying to squeeze faster, regretting I didn’t bring a breast-pump
    • Girl No. 2: “Yea that’s gross.”
    • Girl No. 1: “COME OOOOONNNN, let’s hurry up now!”
    • Me: **getting annoyed that they are being dicks
    • Guy: “Yea dude, let’s hurry it up.”
    • Me: **really annoyed and slightly drunk, turned around and said, “SORRY GUYS I AM BREAST PUMPING IN HERE!!!”
    • Girl No. 1: “Oh I’m sorry.”                  breastpump im sorry
  3. Friend’s house party

    • Me: **goes upstairs into my friend’s bedroom with breast-pump in purse, pass drunk people in hallway waiting for toilet 
    • Me: **very happy and relaxed that I am not in a toilet, takes off shirt and bra, gets the breast-pump out, errrr……..errrr…….errrr……..errrr
    • My Friend Jordan: **starts opening the door to the bedroom
    • Me: **frantically gets up and pushes the door back “Sorry, I’m naked!!”
    • My friend Jordan: **not realising it was me, “Oh sorry” (laughing) **closes door
    • M friend Jordan: **walking downstairs and starts yelling to everyone, “Someone’s having sex in Jack’s room!”
    • Me: **red-faced, sweating
    • (20 minutes later)
    • Me: **finishes pumping, walks downstairs, everyone staring at me
    • My friend Steve: “Hahah good work Meagan!”
    • Me: “No, you guys, I was breast-pumping.”
    • My friend Steve: “Oooohhhh. I’m going to get a drink…”

breastpump6

4. On the beach

Actually this was quite nice, I just sat on the beach with my boyfriend and pumped, no hassle, no fuss.

So, Lesson Number 1: Do not be rude whilst waiting for the toilet, THEY MAY BE BREAST-PUMPING.

 

Are there any awkward experiences you have encountered breast-pumping or breastfeeding?

Mummuddlingthrough
ethannevelyn
Pink Pear Bear
The Secret Diary of Agent Spitback
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73 thoughts on “Awkward Places I have got my Boobs Out

  1. Ha, love this post! Most recently I was caught in my car doing it at a wedding and I didn’t have a cover so it was a free for all for all the guests who suddenly needed something from their car right that second!! The things we do for our babies….#coolmumclub

  2. haha, a very funny post. It is tough being a breast pumping Mum! I once had to do it on the side of a canal because I thought my boobs were going to explode! I thought I was being very discrete, hiding under a massive shawl type thing, until some idiot man pointed at me, whilst yelling to his girlfriend “what the feck is she doing!!!” Oh I wanted the floor to open up right then! #stayclassy

  3. Well done for pumping in so many places! I’ve only ever pumped at home and never had too much luck with it – it takes me at least two pumping sessions to get enough for one feeding, so it’s hardly worth it. Now that my wee one is 10 months old and not breastfeeding as much, I’ve kind of stopped. I can’t say I miss being hooked up to a pump and milking myself. 🙂 #coolmumclub

  4. Ah the stark reality of breastfeeding haha. Very funny post. I was never much of a pumper, but on the odd occasion I tried I can honestly say that I have never felt more like a cow in my life! Thanks for the giggles!

    #coolmumclub x

  5. The picture got me! Hilarious!! You have a way better social life then I used to when I was at this stage, I think it’s brilliant that you are managing to combine things so well, it must have come as such a shock, (I’m still giggling at your knocked up post), but I love the way you’re dealing with it and still carrying on with life at uni. #coolmumclub

  6. I’m crying with laughter! I breastfed my kids for a very long time and had my boobs out all the time too but not in any of the places you mentioned. Brilliant post #StayClassy

  7. Aw thanks! I won’t lie though it’s been really tough managing school and baby, then in about a month I’m back at work!! Aaahh where has the time gone?? It has been a huge shock, I think next time around (if there is another one) I’m going to try and be more chilled out, doing too many things at once!

  8. This is such a lighthearted take on something that breastfeeding moms know all too well. In the early days of breastfeeding, I used to always say I might as well walk around with no shirt on, my boobs are out so often. I know hand expressing in those sticky situations has to be so stressful for you, and it definitely doesn’t help a letdown! As time goes on, it seems to matter less and less who sees your knockers, ha! #coolmumclub

  9. I found just the baby tough! I’m in awe of anyone that manages more. I think when you have two, it becomes far more difficult to do other things as well & you will probably naturally slow it down. Are you still at uni?

  10. Yea I can imagine having two and doing a bunch of other things just wouldn’t work. I just had an exam last week (not sure how well I did but I know I at least passed), then I have two more on May 5th and I’m done, so no more classes just exams!! Ahhh

  11. I try not to pump at all because I hate it but sometimes I’m stuck in random situations where I have to : (. Good to know it slows down a bit, I’m not sure if I can make it to 10 months!

  12. Hahah so funny! Although must have been terrible in the moment! It’s real tough and I don’t think anybody is aware of it (at least I wasn’t before becoming a Mum) so it makes it even more awkward because people aren’t used to seeing it. Maybe all the breastfeeding Moms should line up and feed and pump somewhere in public every week so people get used to the sight of it?? Too much?

  13. I wouldn’t start pumping until you really need to because I think that’s what caused me to get plugged milk ducts in the beginning, my boobs were pumping too much milk because I was feeding and pumping and they were still “learning” how much the baby needed, etc. I don’t know that was just my experience, every boob is different! It’s a very specific balance you have to figure out haha

  14. I feel you honey! those days are long gone for me now, but I remember it well #stayclassy

  15. Haha! I never would have thought that there might be a breast pumping Mama in there though! Although it is kind of annoying when a bunch of girls all go in at once lols

  16. Oh my god, apart from being laugh out loud hilarious, I’m in total awe that you’ve still managed to go out clubbing and to parties while pumping, and with a newborn at home!!!!! That is amazing!!!!!!! I was a little disturbed that people at the party thought you were having sex with someone else upstairs, while leaving your boyfriend and newborn at home…?!!!! I actually gave up breastfeeding the second time around because I just couldn’t bear to ht my boobs out in public, to feed or pump. I know, I know, we aren’t supposed to care and all that, but I just found it mortifying, and I was staying in for days on end, which was sending me and my toddler crazy!! So I made the (some might say selfish) switch to formula. It saved my sanity though!!
    #stayclassy

  17. I don’t blame you for switching! It is such an ordeal pumping and breastfeeding in public. I’ve been pushing on but not very easily, actually I could write a much more serious post about this but I thought it would be better to laugh at it!

    Oh my friend thought my boyfriend and I were having sex…his Mom was watching the little one at home haha!

  18. Hahaha this is so funny. I love that you have such a great social life post baby, mine disappeared as soon as I got pregnant. Pumping in a toilet does not sound fun at all. I only ever did it at home or that one time I went on a spa day and had to hide in the showers to do it!xx #bigpinklink

  19. Wow; I just went straight back to that place of only a year or 2 ago when I was breastfeeding. Gee the places we are banished to do this!! Look how happy the woman in the photo is!! I would be, too, if it ever seemed to work properly. Good luck! #passthesauce

  20. I’m back! And still laughing at the pic! I’m loving all the gif action too. Lucy and I are fans of the gif! Thanks for linking up with us! #bigpinklink

  21. Definitely a reason to have kids in your late 30’s…your pumping is done at home as you’re not partying or clubbing anymore! (Although I’m glad to say now my kids are older, the social life has returned and there isn’t a breast pump in sight). Thanks for linking to #passthesauce

  22. Yea I need to give it a rest, it’s hard though when none of my friends have kids! Although I am making new Mom friends, maybe I need to start hanging about with them more now??

  23. I applaud you for being so dedicated to your expressing that you pump all over the place – I just turned into a hermit for 3 months! My friend has been known to pump on nights out sitting in disgusting club toilets, so hats off to you 🙂 #bigpinklink

  24. lol! I haven’t been out clubbing with my pump yet, but at a friend’s house – so so very true! lol! Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost. x

  25. I am so there. I wish I were like those people who carefully plan their vacations like clockwork. may have to try the solo ron0#&e823t;thauks for the idea and tips!

  26. Hi Shayna -I love it! You get it, you understand that we can be more than just co-workers. We can become really good friends at work, when we allow our selves to be open and honest with each other. We can deepen our lives by deepening our reisltonahips with the folks who we spend a majority of or time with. As you know we spend more time with our teammates than we spend with our families. Thank you for your leadership! I hope you have a blessed and Happy Thanksgiving. I am grateful for our friendship.

  27. This is brilliant!
    I clearly had no such thing as a social life while I was breastfeeding…I have never pumped in a club! Lots of upstairs bedrooms of other people’s houses but never a club. Right I’m going to make it my aim with number two. Well actually the thought makes me a bit tired…oh no, I don’t even have the conviction to emulate your social life in a blog comment let alone in real life. Sad times! #chucklemums

  28. I’m sure I’ve commented before but this is a great post. I love the toilet stall scenario. Fart fart tinkle tinkle indeed.

    I’ve been there and it’s really hard to get the flow going when someone is being vocal about having to wait!

    Thanks for linking to #chucklemums 😀

  29. Excellent and funny post. Not come across your blog before its dead zany. Talk about Pumpin’ Milk, when my son was v small, the nosy health visitor came by yet AGAIN when i was resting. This time she found me in bed with the baby bottle on the side table filled with Guinness. It was quite fun drinking from it – full of healthy iron of course. She looked at it, then me, then baby before taking ‘detailed notes’. Like to leave them guessing. Jo 🙂 #chucklemums

  30. Haha, I can still remember the first time I pumped – it was like a cow. It actually hissed out, I literally felt like a cow. I never got the hand of expressing by hand though! #chucklemums

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