It’s been eight months since THE BIRTH and I have gone to three spinning classes and I have done one run (aka jogging at a leisurely pace). I literally have one hour a day where I could either GYM IT or do other things like….blog, catch up on social media, whatsapp my friends, take a poo, finish work, watch Friends, take Instagram photos, have sex. My day quite literally looks like this:
6am Wake the f**k up
7:30am Get into Work
7:30am – 9am Do Actual Work
9am – 12pm Back to Back Meetings
12pm – 12.10pm Eat Some Salad
12:10pm – 2pm Do Actual Work
2pm – 5pm More Damn Meetings
5pm Pick Up Child From Nursery
5pm – 8pm Deal with Child Needs (play, feeding baby food, giving bath, changing nappies, trying to get him to sleep),
8pm – 9pm Do Work for Postgraduate Degree,
9pm – 10pm THE ONE HOUR OF PURE BLISS
10pm Settle Down and Get Ready for Bed (blog)…. or else I will die the next day,
SO, level with me for a second, when do I actually have time to go to the gym? It’s not even that I don’t want to go. I used to run at least once a week every week for three years B.C. before child. I would LOVE to have that time back, but I just don’t.
Due to my lack of GYMING IT, I thought it would be best to use me for what NOT to do when trying to lose baby belly fat.
Read an article about breastfeeding that says you burn 500 calories per feed. Use this as your excuse to keep eating as much as you ate during pregnancy.
Do a yoga YouTube video after work and follow it with a bowl of mint chip ice cream.
Listen to Disciples “They Don’t Know” and dance around while carrying the baby and count this as your work out for the month.
Blame your boyfriend for not wanting to run with you as THE reason you are not exercising.
Plan to go to a pilates class on Saturday morning. Book this time in with your boyfriend so he’ll watch the baby. Go out on Friday night and have too many drinks. Sleep in on Saturday morning and blame the fact that you haven’t slept the whole week because the baby still doesn’t sleep through the night….instead of, you know, the seven glasses of wine you had the night before.
Realise that you MUST Pinterest all of your favourite photos of living room decor or you will fail as a professional blogger at the very moment your boyfriend finally decides to join you for a run.
Feel like you are fit because you take the stairs occasionally instead of the lift.
Eat sorbet with fudge.
Tell yourself that coffee makes you eat less, but have a breakfast, lunch, after lunch snack, dinner and dessert every day during the week and a FULL breakfast plus the rest on the weekends.
Wear your freshly cleaned gym clothes to bed and pretend you are going to get up early for a run.
Actually go to the gym. Then go for three large pints after with coworkers.
Get the stomach flu and feel like you’ve lost ten pounds so you eat a shit load of donuts to make up for it.
Realise that today is your fancy dinner date with your boyfriend and do 10 sit-ups.
Drink Gin and Tonic because apparently it has less calories than a beer.