I am LITERALLY sick and tired.
Like many of us parents say, I did not know what tired actually meant until I had the baby. It is never-ending. I still haven’t had a full nights sleep since the baby was born 4 months ago, and it is not looking like I will for a very long time. On top of this, I am sick.
To add another layer onto this horribly FAT cake, I have exams in the next two weeks for my postgraduate degree. Any free time available is spent studying or writing my paper. I switch back and forth all day long; baby, study, baby, write, baby, blog, baby, study, there are no breaks. Again literally, THERE ARE NO BREAKS.
But even though I know I am doing a good job, I still put myself down and say I am not doing well enough, I should be doing more as a Mom, at school and at work.
I think a lot of parents tend to do this; put themselves down even though they are doing 5,000 amazing things all at once.
So while studying for my degree and reading a book called Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg (well…trying to read….I’m still only about 47 pages in), I have come across some highly relevant studies.
While they are disappointing, it is also very true, people have been found to rate their performance or success as worse than it actually is. For instance, a woman will become CEO of a company and attribute her success to “luck” or “having help from others”, rather than her skills and intelligence.
Even worse, when people fail at something, they are more likely to attribute it to their skills, rather than blaming it on other factors (side note: it was found that woman tend to do this more than men).
“The internalisation of failure and the insecurity it breeds hurt future performance, so this pattern has serious long-term consequences.”
WHY do we do this to ourselves? Surely, we should be giving ourselves the credit we deserve.
But we don’t, and especially parents. The guilt monster takes over and we put ourselves down even when evidence proves that we are doing a fantastic job.
I really want to put PARENT on my CV (future post coming up) because this is the fucking hardest job I have ever done. My job back in the corporate world is like being on a luxurious boat whilst being fed grapes and champagne.
So PARENTS, let’s stop blaming ourselves for everything that goes wrong and start attributing our successes to our intelligence and skills.
In protest of these findings, can everyone RAISE A HAND.
For all the parents out there doing what seems to be everyday normal occurrences but are actually HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
Raise your hand for not having a proper night sleep in 3 years but still being a fully functioning human being.
Raise your hand for bringing a toddler to the supermarket.
Raise your hand for being able to take a long bath.
Raise your hand for being up every two hours during the night feeding the baby.
Raise your hand for not feeling guilty…
….about working late
….about wanting time off for yourself
…about wanting to have both a career and a family
…about texting while breastfeeding
…about not listening to your Mother’s advice
…about letting your kids watch TV to have a 5 minute break
Raise your hand for having a little more ‘me time’.
Raise your hand for getting the intimacy back in the relationship.
Raise your hand for cooking a homemade meal every blue moon.
Raise your hand for getting the baby to sleep without rocking, swaddling, singing, swaying, bouncing.
Raise your hand for resolving a conflict, like adults, with your fourteen year old daughter.
Raise your hand for getting yourself and the kids ready in the morning and being on time to drop them off at school.
Raise your hand for listening to your gut instinct rather than those damn child development books.
Raise your hand for all of the little quarrels between child and parent that happen every single day, no matter what age they are.
Raise your hand for just being a parent.
And finally, when you are feeling guilty, insecure and you just can’t take it anymore, STAND LIKE SUPERMAN (it is proven to reduce stress levels).
A study found that when people stand in a high-power pose, puffing their chest out and making their arms wide, spreading their limbs, for just two minutes, their dominance hormone levels (testosterone) increased and their stress hormone levels (cortisol) decreased.