Why Mums in 2016 are so Effing Stressed Out

Sometimes I wish we were village people. Eat. Sleep. Play. Repeat. It’s so much more simple. We wouldn’t be judged for breastfeeding. We wouldn’t have to have a schedule. We wouldn’t have to worry about money. Mostly just food and babies.

village people

Life in this day and age is hard. The people are difficult. The relationships are difficult. The jobs are difficult. The children are difficult. There is no time and we have no breaks. We literally do not even have time to think. What is right and wrong is not clear and there is never an easy answer for anything. 

people-working-in-an-office

I’ve done a bit of research and I’ve found the reasons why we are so f**cking stressed out, here are my thoughts…

Childcare

No joke I am currently paying more for nursery than my rent. How am I affording this? I don’t know because B.C. (before child) I never had any money left at the end of the month. I have changed jobs, moved up A BIT yet B.C. I could have been saving ridiculous amounts of money for my future child (…or a BOAT!) but for some reason I spent it at the pub. Now I’m stuck paying for nursery and can only save if we are very strict about our weekly activities. Might I add that the cost of living has almost doubled in the last 20 years. Apparently a house in 1994 cost £144,000, now it costs £232,141!

three piggy banks in a row looking sad

I Can Have It All

With generations of women before us fighting for our right to work, right to vote, right to HAVE. IT. ALL. We believe that we actually can have it all. But the reality is dim.

According to one survey, 1 in 4 working moms cry once a week due to the stress of “having it all.”

 If I’m not sacrificing my work ethic, I am sacrificing the time I have with my child, and even more so sacrificing a beautiful relationship with my very lovely boyfriend. There is a balance sometimes but most of the time it’s one or the other. Going out on a Friday night and having too many drinks is not only sacrificing my body, my Saturday morning/afternoon, but also sacrificing the time I have with Bear which makes me feel like THE WORST person in the world. So goodbye nights out too!

a working mum at the computer while her baby eats a cell phone

The Judgy Mum

What is wrong with you? Why do you prey on other mums like yourself just trying to have a good life? The expectation to be a perfect mum is already forced upon us through the media DAILY, our own parents, and our own thoughts, we don’t need another mum making us feel even worse. Shut the f**k up and go back to your four bedroom house surrounded by a white picket fence.

Too Many Choices

Prams, toys, bottles, teats for the bottles, high chairs, teething gel, milk, baby wipes, nappies, changing tables, cots, baby safe protection, kids books, tv shows, the list goes on and on and on and on. If I moved here from a foreign country where they live in the forest and build their own homes they would laugh in my face at the amount of products we have created for our children. It’s just not necessary and causes a WHOLE LOT of stress for no reason except for money. 

a baby sitting with a money bag in the middle and a bunch of different baby products surrounding the baby

We Live for Longer but Have Less Time for Ourselves

Mobile phones, TV, laptops, social networking, careers. Need I say more?

Mothers are Judge Differently Than Fathers

True story. My boyfriend took my son out in the pram when he was two months old and he was praised for ‘getting out of the house and bonding with his son’. I on the other hand never received any praise for anything and was shamed for taking up too much space on a bus because the pram ‘is like a starship out of star wars”.

Mixed Messages 

Apparently we are supposed to breastfeed until one year old, however we are not supposed to go in public whilst breastfeeding. We are supposed to let a baby express themselves, but only in your own home god forbid you let them do this in public. We are supposed to feed them homemade food, but there are thousands of brands available that have created baby food you can buy off the shelf for less than one pound. 

a meme that says 'my breasts, my baby, my business'

The Idea that Motherhood is Fulfilling

We are supposed to appreciate every single moment with our child. Embrace the precious smell and soft skin of our baby because it goes so fast! How am I supposed to love every single moment with my child when sometimes he annoys the crap out of me? He screams, he cries, he shits himself, he doesn’t sleep EVER. This is not always fulfilling and I shouldn’t be made to feel that it should be. 

So there you have it, we are stressed out because of the obscene standards created by society (and other judgy mums) to be a mum. 

Let’s all give ourselves a break and realise that being a mum is not always fun and we don’t always have to be perfect. Being a mum is like any other job, sometimes it’s amazing and sometimes it sucks. End of story.

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40 thoughts on “Why Mums in 2016 are so Effing Stressed Out

  1. Love this. It’s all so true. As a single mum, whose baby’s dad lives on the other side of the world I have to sacrifice a lot of social life and money in order to save a couple of pennies each month. I don’t love every minute of parenting. This evening alone I was slapped, kicked and bitten! Yet I’m supposed to savour those moments? Bring me a mud hut in a rainforest and a village to help raise my baby any day!!

  2. I bloody love this so much!!! I have come across some really shitty judginess this week and it adds to the stress of day to day life so much! Thank you for pointing out what we have to deal with it – it’s not always easy! Pass the wine! Big love xx #coolmumclub

  3. I think we have been having similar weeks. Stress, stress, stress and it just seems to stretch out forever. I hope your illnesses are all cleared up and you can get a break. #Stayclassymama

  4. I didn’t know about 1/4 mummy crying once a week! It’s insane the pressure the media put on us. We are programmed to believe we have to do it all perfectly! Feminism eh? The worst is that we are also putting so much pressure on ourselves because we got used to the idea that we needed to be wonder women… I used to believe in the ‘We can have it all’ before I had my baby. How naive of me!!!! All bullshit. I have been to some KIT days at work and it’s obvious that they can do really well without me and my job will never be the same when I get back. It’s not my boss’ fault. I will have other priorities around my child. End of… #StayClassyMama

  5. It is tricky, but I think you if we strip out a lot of what we think we *should* be doing and just do what is right for us as individuals we will be more happier. Kind of like cutting your cloth to suit – take out some of the things that are less important and we should be able to trust our own intuitions and decisions and it should fit into place a bit easier! Worked for me anyway 🙂 #stayclassymama

  6. Yes to all this. Life is SO different now to when I was a kid. So much pressure from so many different sides. Work pressures, social pressures the pressures we put on ourselves (but shouldn’t). Throw social media and people’s insistence on pretending everything with their lives is so fucking perfect, it’s a recipe for disaster. We need to be supporting each other, not berating each other. The media have a part to play in all of this, making women feel like they can and SHOULD have it all, instead of focussing on what really matters in life. Happiness. #stayclassy

  7. Oh I love this!! I used to bow to the pressure of doing everything “right” but by the time I got to my fifth, the rule book was well and truly thrown out of the window! These days I do things in the easiest way possible, probably not always the right way, but in a way that works best for me and my family. That’s really sad that one in four mums cry about having it all, it must be incredibly hard to juggle a career and have children, I take my hat off to all of you, I find myself crying all the time about not being able to wee in peace or the fact I haven’t washed my hair all week. Being a mummy is so hard!! #stayclassymama

  8. Thanks for sharing. No-one knows how difficult it is to have and bring up children until they’ve actually done it. No amount of reading or talking to people can prepare you for any of this. If only we had brilliant blogs like this one when my children were wee. It would have made me feel so much better.

  9. I feel sad that there is so much stress and not enough focus on how to cope with it. Stress is a real issue and such a damaging one. It prevents people living in the moment because that moment is too stressful and it stops them planning because they are too stressed to plan. It’s an inhibitor to living the life that we should be living and there needs to be a bigger societal drive to work on this. Sweden, interestingly, have just upped their fight for a six hour working day – I need to be Swedish! Hey, you and I look a little Swedish – what so you reckon? A great post lovely #StayClassyMama

  10. Yes! I want to move to Sweden, I heard they also get two years maternity leave or was it until they go to reception? Either way it’s amazing!

  11. I love your conclusion here. Like any other job, motherhood can be the best as well as the WORST. And it’s definitely not always fun. I definitely don’t enjoy every moment with the Popple because some of those moments are crap. Literally.

    I sometimes wonder if our parents’ generation had it easier because there was no internet where people could shout about their opinions about what we should be doing as parents. Google is your friend but also your worst enemy. #stayclassymama

  12. So true, especially the part about judgy people. Also, I have three kids with my husband and have never understood why it’s “babysitting” when he’s with the kids and it’s “you’re supposed to be with your children 24/7 anyway” when they’re with me. It’s tough to be “the mom.”
    #StayClassyMama

  13. Hell Yeah. I’m tired of having it all, or should I say DOING it all. I should celebrate my lack of childcare costs with a BIG FAT SPA DAY 😉
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub!

  14. If only everyone besides moms would understand this, the world would be in a much better place. Brilliant post and so very well written. Thank you as host too! You are one #stayclassymama alright! M’wah! <3 <3 <3

  15. All true. Tonight I cuddled my almost-three-year-old and wished I didn’t stress about the small things like is this too much screen time? is he eating enough veg? Just need to chill out and enjoy my baby (I know, not a baby anymore. Sniff.) #coolmumclub

  16. Amen to that. Living in a tribal village thingy would be cool because everybody looks after each other’s children. I’m glad I’m not the only one who sometimes buckles a bit under the weight of trying to have it all. #stayclassymama

  17. I love this. It’s so true…it’s mega stressful. There is SOOOO much pressure from the media and other parents about how to be a mum….it’s nuts. I often thought when my first born was little that there must be something wrong with me because thousands of women have been doing this for centuries so why was i finding it so tough. But of course along with all the judgement of social media comes support too. Especially from like-minded bloggers. So hoorah for posts like this to remind us that we are not alone! #StayClassyMama

  18. I have to say I’ve always been pretty good at not giving a monkeys about what people thought of me and whether I was parenting “right” however, since returning to work I have succumbed to the stress of being a full time working mum. It’s hard to not feel guilty and feel like you’re being judged for not spending every second you can with your child, it’s hard knowing you pay a LOT more in nursery fees than you do in rent, and it’s hard to hear your child’s key worker is basically his parent now (said to me by a friend who didn’t realise how awful this is to hear!!!) I am one of those mums who has cried at my desk (yesterday in fact) when it has all got too much. I know there’s not much I can do right now, but it’s nice to know other mums go through it too. #coolmumclub

  19. I agree with absolutely every word of this. Childcare – breaks my bloody heart. And we should really talk about how different parenting is for mothers and fathers, and also that motherhood is fulfilling. I love this, thank you. #stayclassymama

  20. Wow, what she said……… (thank you for saying it out loud).

    This is basically my life. 2 kids and I work 4 days a week. My husband is brilliant and my job does allow 2 of the 4 days working from home but at the end of some weeks I’m so tired I don’t want to do it all over again. ‘Having it all’ hmmm I have to work to pay the mortgage!

    Love my babies and love the time we spend together but modern parenting is tough, pressure from all angles.

    Power to all the hard working Mama’s (& Papa’s) – you are doing a great job!
    #stayclassymama

  21. Aaaah this is so so fab and so true. Judgy mums can do one, seriously just go. You’re so spot on there are mixed messages galore and all the pressure to do the right thing, make the right choice set the right example, to work to not work – argh it’s horrible. So yeah you’re right it’s hard and we need to cut ourselves some slack! Xx #coolnumclub

  22. I am stressed all the time and I don’t even have a job to go to. I completely agree with you. As much as I love being a mother and I think I do a pretty good job most of the time, some days are just shit! #stayclassymama

  23. I think being a stay at home mom is just as hard if not harder! We all just have to accept its not always smiles and flowers, we can’t always be perfect. : )

  24. I love this so much – it’s so bloody hard. As you know, I’m just entering that childcare-working mum-sacrificing all other relationships arena and it scares me so much! It’s like hey have it all, but actually you’ll have to give up all time with your partner and for yourself forever more. Mmmm so much to think about eh 😉 Fab post as always xx #coolmumclub

  25. Totally agree, the pressure that we must have specific items of toys,feeding paraphernalia, buggies, clothes etc or we’re failing our children, ourselves and generally letting society down isrl ridiculous! This time around with little Bubs I find I am much less stressed, taking time to enjoy the little things and saying to hell with it with fancy products!! So long as I can play with her, cuddle her, love her, feed her and keep her safe I’m doing my job. Any extras which are advertised at us I feel I am strong enough to walk away from!
    So sorry you’ve had to go hack early in your maternity leave., that totally socks. I was so lucky with the Twins that I could stay home for the time until they started school as the childcare would have taken all my wage. Best option was to spend the with them. Hope things ease up a bit for you. Xxx #stayclassymama

  26. Don’t worry my partner and I have found ways around this, we do have less time for each other but when we do have time together it is, shall I say, magical lol (our sex life is much quicker to say the least but I’m actually loving it because I don’t have two hours to mess around anymore! Hahaha)

  27. As a Dad, and one that works from home so is also primary carer and now home educator too, I obviously took in the part where your boyfriend took your kid to the park and was praised most…. Your right about how society treats mums and dads differently and quite frankly it pisses me off!!! I don’t want praise for being a parent, male or female we’re parents and should both take 100% responsibility for our kids, thus be treated equally. Other than breastfeeding for me there is not a single difference between mums and dads, I love praise for being a good parent all parents should be praised, it’s a tough job, but I don’t want praise because I’m a man that takes my kid for a walk, this should be standard. As for breastfeeding being frowned upon still in 2016 it just blows my mind. If you have a problem with it then it’s your problem, go deal with it in your own home and stop bothering mums with it. – Good post lol… 🙂

  28. Hi themumproject,

    Not a long time reader but I thought I’d point out something that seemed problematic. You use a tribal village as an example of a ‘simpler’ and ‘easier’ means of living. I don’t know how much time you’d have for your child between daily 4 mile walks to clean water and basket weaving to provide food for your family, but I’d hazard to guess it would be less than you do now.
    Not to say your problems as a mother aren’t valid or difficult in our society. Perhaps just rethink the ‘noble, simple savage’ stereotype you’re perpetuating with your opening statement.

  29. Agree with you on all fronts men and woman should be treated equally as parents, we both do 50% of the work so should be treated that way. I love the fact that you are home schooling, and your new site : ). You have made me really think about whether I want to put my son in school. I still have some time to consider this, will be reading your blog!

  30. Fab post, there is far too much pressure on parents to perform in a certain way and so many things to juggle and balance its no surprise the stress levels today are so high. I consider myself a pretty positive person but some of these things definitely get me down at times- especially childcare costs!! Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x

  31. Yes, Yes, YES! Mums are under so much pressure. When I was working as a full-time teacher and head of department and then mummy to two little ones, I was stressed. Stressed because I was dashing from home to childminder to work and then the whole day spent rushing so that I could leave on time and rush back to the childminder back home, feed babies, bath babies put babies to bed. Then cook our tea and then I would start marking again while feeling guilty that I wasn’t doing good enough at my job and at home. We are too harsh on ourselves and need to give us a big high-five!

  32. Really great interesting job. For me I know the stress hasn’t started yet as I haven’t gone back to work yet. We have been enjoying the relaxed days doing lots of play and walks. Ask me about the stress when I’m back to work in less than 2 weeks! eek! xx

  33. Such a great post, I was taken aback that 1 in 4 cry once a week for ‘having it all’ – that’s staggering. I also pay less monthly on my mortgage for my 3 bedroom house than I do on childcare. I honestly don’t know where the money comes from but I can’t wait for a more relaxed cost once she hits 3… (IN LIKE 18 months time when she’s doubled her age!). I could ramble on… but I won’t. x #tribalchat

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