Are You Qualified to Be a Parent?

Over the last month, I have been interviewing for other jobs (**update: I’ve been offered two jobs, both advertising agencies, and both much better than my current one!) and it has really made me think about my job as a mum, what would an employer ask me if I was going for the position of Parent? 

Surely somebody should have made sure I was qualified to be a mum? You shouldn’t be allowed to have a drunken passionate night of sex and then POOF, you are now ready to be a mum. (**cough cough**)

I definitely should have been interviewed because, let’s be honest, I was soooooooo not ready. 

But now that I am a mom, here is what I would ask if I had to interview someone for the position of Parent.

Can you function like a normal human being on less than two hours of sleep?

In the first six months of being a mum, my main responsibilities were breastfeeding and rocking back and forth trying to get the baby to sleep. If you are REALLY lucky, you may have a baby that sleeps, but this is very, very, very rare. Normally in the first three months they wake up every three hours to be fed, play for a short period of time, and then rock them (or boob them) back to sleep. 

Do you enjoy running around all day long? 

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Now that my son is walking (**running) I do not sit down, EVER. I cannot go anywhere that doesn’t allow children to run around, which means, I cannot go anywhere. Period. Over the weekend I tried to go to Windsor Castle with my son, all we did was run around the bathroom area and yell at the guards. We tried to go into the State Apartments but Bear was NOT having it, he screamed and screamed, all he wanted to do was RUN. Prepare for a Forest Gump-esque marathon. And just to be clear, I’m not talking cute little “baby runs,” my son RUN runs. He is f**king speedy Gonzalez over here. 

Do you have a low sex drive? 

I hate admitting this but I want to be real with you, my sex life has declined. It’s not like I have turned into Virgin Mary over here (thank god), but finding the time to DTD is tough. Mostly because our schedules are always jam packed and by the end of the day we are utterly exhausted. I think on average, new parents probably only have sex once a month but after a certain period of time it goes back up (maybe to have another baby LOLs).

Do you like waking up between the hours of 4am and 6:30am? 

Okay to be fair, on this one, I was lucky. Bear slept until 7am most days but just recently he has been getting up earlier and earlier, I think it must be the sun? This morning I bought black out curtains on Amazon, cross your fingers for me!

Are you patient? 

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Whew! This is a big one. I had to start learning how to be patient even before Bear was born, he was born almost three weeks late and the pregnancy was such a bore (sorry I know I’m supposed to think it’s some sort of miracle but we all know that’s pretty much BS). Now that he is a baby toddler, I’ve realised that the pregnancy was just the tip of the ice berg. He has already started with the tantrums and they are a DOOZY. I stared at him with an extremely confused look while he locked his pretty blue eyes with mine and opened his mouth as wide as possible and let out a manic scream. I was like, Whose child is this? BOYFRIEEENNDDDD, WHERE ARE YOU!

This is a preferred qualification….

Are you organised? 

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You could argue this and say that you don’t need to be organised to be a parent. But on the contrary, I would say having an organised parent is overwhelmingly helpful. Neither I nor my partner are THAT organised, I think I used to be as a child but as the years dragged on my skills have fallen to the wayside, mostly because I don’t have the time to think about that shit! There are more important things to do. But to be fair, if you are organised I think this will be a massive help in your journey to parenthood. 

So now you know! Don’t take this all too heart (…but maybe you should...) ; ).

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21 thoughts on “Are You Qualified to Be a Parent?

  1. You’re absolutely spot on – we should all have been interviewed before taking on tTHIS, motherhood – the biggest most important job we’ve ever had to do. I would have been shocked by the interview questions tbh, and probably might have thought twice about taking the job! But obviously now it’s the best job in the world. #stayclassymama

  2. The answer to every single one would have been a resounding “hell no!” 3 years ago! Patience… well, it’s probably thinner then ever… organisation; I refer you to the day I skillfully took my toddler and newborn on an educational trip to Homebase to buy plants and soil for the toddler… definitely forgot to take ANY bottles for the baby and had no milk in my boobs. Fail. But to be honest, I’m only here for the money and I dont really want your job anyway so you can stick it!! (Just kidding *winks*) #stayclassymama

  3. I definitely wouldn’t have been found to be qualified to be a parent, especially on the patience front. I still have very little patience, which makes things challenging when you have a toddler. I also spend 90% of my time running after her – she never stops until she totally crashes out. I’ve gotten pretty good at functioning on almost no sleep, though. #stayclassymama

  4. Ha ha ha all so true. My youngest has just started walking and my god it can be a total nightmare. The other two do not seem to be much help either. I have had to become more organised for trips out since my eldest got diagnosed with type 1 remembering that stuff and the baby stuff sends my head spinning sometimes #stayclassymama

  5. This is so so true… and luckily I think I’m pretty safe in all of those to be honest… university sorted that out; no sleep, organisation, deadlines, running around all day… It is crazy when you thin that is it THE most important job of all; raising the future… yet there is no selection process! Crazy! #stayclassymama

  6. This is definitely a question I have asked a lot since I became a parent, especially since the toddler tantrums set in. I am learning on the job for sure. Good luck with your job move. #stayclassymama

  7. this reminds me of a video i saw on facebook a little while back that showed people video chatting for a job interview and their responses to the job specs were like “no, this is illegal” and look of disgust… then at the end the interviewer revealed its a role of a parent and everyone was like “oh wow this is a hard thing to do.
    i thought i was ready and then when it happened i realised, noone is ready. it is a job that you can never train for, you will never have enough sleep and its just damn hard! #stayclassymama

  8. Haha so true…I have learnt to be so more patient! I was terrible pre kids but I’d be going insane if not. Our eldest was a 5am riser for a while! Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x

  9. Firstly I am so sorry my comment is so late. I did read it when I linked up but didn’t have time to comment and then before I knew it I was SO late. I am so sorry! Anywho yes yes and yes. My patience and organisational skills have been pushed to the limit since having my children and my bum never touches the seat from sun up to sun down. I am running after one or both of them constantly. Or so it feels. #stayclassymama

  10. Same! I probably shouldn’t be a mom haha, it’s a crazy crazy world. Thanks for commenting!

  11. Not a problem at all! I know exactly how it is, sometimes mine are late as well! Totally agree my organisational skills are crap, need to get a parent calendar invented or something to help mums!

  12. OMG what is this video? I must watch it! It’s definitely not a job you can train for, there is no course that could ever prepare you for the shit (literally).

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